nefer ui pekhui ki

Betsy is late for your date and you are forced to sit in the living room and converse with her somewhat nosy parents. Her father looks you squarely in the eye and asks you, “Son, I’d really like to know what your plans are for my daughter.” What would you be inclined to say about this? 

>”MY PLANS ARE TO TAKE HER TO THE MOVIES AND TRY VERY HARD TO HAVE SEX WITH HER BEFORE THE NIGHT IS THROUGH”

The perfect crime.

 You have done a much kinder thing than you can probably imagine at your age. You’ve given this woman a reason to live. 

o-oh

Who narrates Alter Ego anyways, is it God? I’m going to assume it’s God because I find it amusing to imagine God saying all these things.

Suzie is every boy’s dream. She’s only ten, but she has the body of an eleven-year-old.

Smooth like sandpaper.

Many people would say that you are someone who “marches to the beat of a different drummer”. Would you agree?

>YES

You should also know that they use it to describe someone who is short a marble or two.

You look into the room only to find that Mom and Dad are watching a funny movie on the bedroom television. They see you at the door and they invite you in. You snuggle up between them and feel relieved. 

That’s…

not what I got last time I did this.

You are too cool to worry about such things. Superduck awaits you in the toy box.

The mixing is best accomplished when done by hand. You imagine that you are a world-famous chef. First course will be mud soup. This will be followed by mud burgers. For dessert: mud pies. 

Literally and exactly what I always used to do at the beach.

You poke the other baby right in the eye. He starts to cry. Your father is slightly embarrassed. The other dad is worried that his little baby is not macho enough to take a little poke. 

What a dad.

You need your sleep a lot more than you need to listen to this silly adult. Twenty-five years from now, you’ll be handsome and beautiful, while she is getting old and wrinkly. You have shown good judgment.